Indecent exposure is still exposure.

A desperate bid for attention.

The Life and Times of Herr Doktor Maxwell von Puppykicker the Third

Doktor Puppykicker is the current patriarch of the ancient and mysterious Puppykicker lineage, believed to be the pioneers responsible for many revered supervillain traditions, such as the army of robot henchmen, the orbital death ray, and the timeless classic “I’ll show them! I’ll show them all!" After the mysterious and unexplained death of his mentor, who was shot fifty times with a cannon that fired miniature robotic sharks, Maxwell took up his father’s mantle and began his career in supervillainy. Through a devastating combination of amazing intelligence, nigh-limitless resources, and general dickishness, Puppykicker soon became notable as one of the world’s greatest threats to global security, frequently topping the FBI’s “Most Wanted” list and appearing in the January 1992 issue of Playgirl. However, Puppykicker would later surprise the entire world by retiring from proper supervillainy, claiming, “the global situation has degraded to the point where you can’t even hold the eastern seaboard hostage with a gravity ray without fifty attractive young sadomasochists dressed as the cast of Cats lining up to punch you in the tits.” Since then, Puppykicker has devoted himself to worsening the human condition in ways that will not result in nothing but thousands of dollars worth of damaged equipment and very sore nipples. These include, but are not limited to, financing corporations that exploit foreign laborers, promoting the spread of irritating technologies like phones that allow people to talk during a movie, and reducing beloved works of fiction to single sentences, thereby ruining them for everybody.
Several people have raised questions regarding whether or not Puppykicker actually holds the title of “Doktor”. These individuals are all deceased.

Single-Sentence Movie Synopses 3: Battle of the Bulges

WARNING: This is not at all safe for work. I cannot stress how unsafe for work this is. Do not read this article at work or in the presence of anyone who may report you to your workplace as this article is inappropriate for a working environment. It has dicks in it.

Enjoy.